BETSY SHAW
BABES' BLOG
posted: 01/30/2012, 7:44 pm
Article from The Baby Center Blog
I’m prone to depression.
I’ve talked about it and written about it, taken medication for it, worried about what it’s doing to my children and I’ve worried that my children will be prone to it as well. I don’t want them to be like me. But maybe, just maybe, they won’t.
According to this BBC News article, some people never get depressed. Even in times of great stress. Even when they get divorced, or lose their jobs, have babies or experience the death of a loved one. These people, the article says, display what those in psychiatric circles call resilience.
It’s nice they’ve given it a name, but, unfortunately, they don’t know much else about resilience. They don’t know why some people have it and some people don’t. They don’t know if it is inherited or learned. They don’t know if it can be somehow acquired by the people who lack it. Resilience, it seems, cannot be packaged or sold.
“What we refer to as resilience is the outcome of a complex and continuing set of interactions between our genes, our body chemistry, the wiring of our brains, and our life experiences.”
One thing we do know is women are twice as likely to suffer depression than men. Does that automatically mean men are more naturally resilient than women? I don’t want to know.
A couple of British researchers are determined to learn more about resilience and those who display it, in hopes of answering all these questions and possibly being able to offer improved treatment to those who do suffer from depression. The article points out that 121 million people worldwide are affected by depression.
I find it fascinating to think that there are people out there who have never felt as if they are wearing a lead apron that makes every step they take, every smile they smile, every thought they think, a chore. Some people don’t feel that. Ever.
Funny, I think my mother might just be one of those chosen ones who have an infinite store of resilience. My husband, Ian, in my book, qualifies as resilient as well. My father, not so much.
And all this leads me to wonder, on which side of the coin does this leave my children. And regardless if depression, and resilience, is learned or inherited, when you’ve got one depression prone parent and one resilient one, who wins?
Has depression affected your life or are you the resilient type? Any insight into how you got that way and which end of the spectrum your kids might end up on?
4 Responses to Will your children be depressed or resilient?
1. Jess says:
January 30, 2012 at 8:20 pm
My mother had severe PPD and I have struggled with depression my entire life. Now that I’m 31 weeks pregnant with our first baby (a girl) I am very nervous that she will have to battle depression as well. It’s comforting to learn that maybe she is not destined to struggle as I have. Thank you for your openness on this subject.
2. Chrissy says:
January 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm
Betsy, your lead apron analogy is absolutely spot on. I’ve always thought that my mom had bouts of depression, and I see myself in that now that I’m an adult. I do feel that I’m resilient, but I also tend toward negativity. I can get up in the morning and tackle what needs to be done, but when my attitude stinks, I don’t do anything with a smile on my face. I reached out for help last summer at the end of an incredibly difficult school year (I’m a teacher)and I have to say that the counseling sessions were a welcome retreat. I needed to be able to smile again, and the experience was very helpful. I worry everyday that my own kids will have this negative tendency, and I hate to think of them suffering. I try to encourage them to think positively, and I also don’t hide it from them when I am having a particularly difficult day. I let them know that things in life can be difficult, and it’s their reactions to the difficulty that will help things get better. I talk about this same idea with my students, too. Thank you for your honesty! It helps to know that others share this burden!
3. alex says:
January 30, 2012 at 9:05 pm
I read “The Optimistic Child” by Martin Seligman to try and see if I can instill more optimism, less despair in my kids. My DH and I are generally optimistic, but we seem to cycle through being Eeyore these days. I have to admit that I really hate being Tigger to his Eeyore when he gets in a mood.
While I want my children to know that they don’t have to be relentlessly happy or optimistic, I do want to minimize the amount of negativity in their lives. Or I should say, I want them to take a negative situation and re-frame it in more optimistic terms.
4. Carolyn Robertson says:
January 30, 2012 at 9:24 pm
I almost didn’t read this because I often wonder if I will pass a legacy of depression down to my daughters, and I just can’t stand the thought of it.
My mom is also resilient. Amazingly so, really. When I’m overly anxious she talks me into a better state of mind. When I fell to ppd – twice – she was there to prop me up, get me through, all the while making sure my girls were okay, too. My husband is also resilient, though he’s not quite as high on the scale as my mom.
I feel like the one thing I do have working in favour is that all these skills I’ve had to work on as I strive towards resiliency in my adult life – one step forward, three steps back – I am trying to instill in my daughters right away: Positive self talk, finding perspective, even just breathing.
Maybe being so aware of it in ourselves will help us to help our kids find a different path.
Thank you for this post, Betsy.
Article from The Baby Center Blog
